I love playing with the thesaurus. As well as names that can take multiple meanings. It's evening, and a heavy moment is passing. I like leaving it at verdict, because you really don't know whether it's good, bad, or what will become of it.
I like this one a lot, and since you asked for Crit I'll try. ^-^;
The only thing that I would pick at would be the fact that there were no clouds, that there was little texture behind the subjects themselves. Then again that would be a hard thing to add since it would have taken away from your subjects themselves. That and possibly would have ruined the piece. You have a lot of talent!